The conga line of one legged tourists that kept weaving in and out of my dreams.

Stealing eggs from my dream for breakfast. They kept on breaking. Who would sleep in which bed. Caroline was mom. I was aunt. Finding shitty spots to live under the freeway. The goodwill. Elaina found two harps in the long train of rooms like the Poe story about hell and masks. She would teach me to harmonize. Sunset in the snow like the battle with the Hun. Bears instead. The cabinet.

Three girls on the side of the pool. One had her thoroughly slit. I saw the blood dripping down. All three. Who the hell would do that? Pool in the burner desert. Underground bathroom complex. With Laura whe gave goes to drink. Around where we kept the candle lot. Oh. That's why we right shit down. But... The throat doesn't make sense.

Trains

I was with Taylor and we were catching Trains north, towards Washington. We needed to pick up some snacks from a convenience store. She was calling Jordan who was much older and sophisticated and might have been the boy. I might have been a little upset, but I was mostly excited to move. Some how I ended up alone at the mango house. It was ok, we were all sitting around the table. The conversation turned to something and caroline came in. They were into sailing. There was an old guy who lived there and a woman neighbor who came in from downstairs. I could tell that they could easily fall in love. I might have been falling in love with Johnny when my mom walked in. He was talking about the problem in south Sudan and the tattoos different people of different nationalities would get when working in the mines to signify something. Mom walked in and had read the book he was talking about. She suggested we play pictionary. Before that I thought she was really cool and made me seem cool then I started to worry that she wa using the game to show off my skill. I got way too into it and put on headphones which actually just tuned everyone out. I noticed everyone had stuff dripping down their nose.  I found jonny sort of waiting on the deck. He said they would be needing my help in the kitchen and signaled that I should check my nose as well. I went to the bathroom to while the stuff off and locked the door only to discover that Erica and pj were in the shower already watering plants. There was a knock on the door. Before I could even worry about opening it pkw of the girls had it open already. Then my alarm went off and successfully works me up. Woo, off to the mango house interview now. Wish me luck.

So many apples

I was in quite the cubist room. It was en plein air, in that it was literally all open. But I tell you, it was a room. It was mostly dark everywhere. Except the spaces that were just red paint. It was a stage (literally) between a house, probably my house or maybe my uncles. If it was my uncles house it would explain why I distinctly remember arguing with him about whether he ever smoked cigarettes. Which of course he did and still does. And I would also like to think it means something about my uncle Tom since I've been following his footsteps for a while now. And on the otherside, a dark field with flowers. Purple or periwinkle flowers on spikey green leaves, like from some fantasy world-- harry potter or legend of zelda.Though the official stage was the room in the middle, the whole thing was free range for the actors. I think we found the stage sufficiently entertaining:

I was happy to be entertained and cleaning up around cloyne with the boys I found so interesting. I was in the kitchen and they started to bring in the apples. There were so many apples. And there were little lost fishes and plastic toys but it was mostly apples. And I said after some girl made a smoothie, that I did not order all these apples. Oh, but the delivery guy already knew the story, he said, yeah some one's Ex-Boyfriend actually ordered them all before they broke up. They were rotting in the dishwash sink. I couldn't figure if it was Adena or Hillary's. He was wearing a white sweater and his powers just didn't work on me.

But there was Kate, oh god how I loved her. On her bike and getting in cars, with friends who did cool things and people she felt at home with. She was something so strong. I knew she saw everything that was ugly about me. That look of pity and disgust. But I knew the most powerful weapon I had was to was not care and keep loving her. And I remembered what it was like trying to apologize for who I was and treating her like a god. It emptied me. I knew I was happier like this. And that one day she would love and teach me and learn from me. Because I think I had learned what I needed to say.

I took e again and I knew I shouldn't have. I was upstairs at a bar and there were many clones around. They were as afraid of me as I was of them. Like spiders. Jessie and Jack had left with Taylor.
I ran into Michael who might have been sitting in a wheelchair. He told me he wanted to apply for the secretary position in Connect the Dots. I couldn't believe it but thought it was wonderful. I knew he would be insanely good at it and how badly we needed him. To be kept organized.
 I was right where the back yard goes down to the next level, next to the yucca. But down below wasn't all ivy and jungle gym. It was more like a city scape. Or what used to be the upstairs of the bar. I was talking to Jack about books, possibly The Stranger or The Sound and the Fury. It was hard to believe him and Jessie.

This is what I want

The fire trail had dried up to the point of being almost a desert. There was a castle at the top. It was rickety and slowly dissapearing, leaving behind it not empty space, but a void. A splatter or two of clones came down the path. Becky and I turned to look at each other. There was a set of wooden stairs built up a steep slope of the hill. They led to a street filled with green trees and houses where people knew each other. This opened up a new path directly behind me. Becky was gone. It was fall and there were oak leaves everywhere. It was an old wood hotel, hidden up in the hills of Berkeley. I assumed it was abandoned. I first thought I would live there. Then I imagined renovating it with Adena. I was in front of the boarded up front door with two women struggling to light a clove cigarette. I noticed one of the women had a nice bag. I kept on looking closer and closer until I realized it was the same as my bag. I realized that she was me and I was her. She didn't seem to care as much as I did about this fact. She had a friend who also didn't care about much of anything. I went upstairs and mused about moving in here after graduating, getting a steady job and living a solitary life. There was a bookstore on the second floor where I found two men going about important store business. Then a new dream began.

Alcohol might be my problem

The swimming pool was deep like an ocean, you don't know where it ends or whats down there. But it was a pool and it was deep all the way to the edge of its angular, C-shaped island. I got in all of a sudden, talked to some people for a minute, then I saw the baby, face down in the water. The situation became ready to hand. I got out of the water to pull the baby out. With the same amount of precision and confidence, I attempted three times to lift the baby out of the water, scraping it and drawing blood each time. I rushed it to the library where a nurse in white was waiting to take it from me. I went into the library for a glass of water. I came out and there was the baby standing on a path next to the pool. It was Robbie. All I could do was stammer, "but, you were just so small," and gesture the size of a baby.
"Everyday, I would come home before everyone else and mix myself a drink," he explained to the group around him. "It dulls the senses you know," he added, tapping on his head.