So many apples

I was in quite the cubist room. It was en plein air, in that it was literally all open. But I tell you, it was a room. It was mostly dark everywhere. Except the spaces that were just red paint. It was a stage (literally) between a house, probably my house or maybe my uncles. If it was my uncles house it would explain why I distinctly remember arguing with him about whether he ever smoked cigarettes. Which of course he did and still does. And I would also like to think it means something about my uncle Tom since I've been following his footsteps for a while now. And on the otherside, a dark field with flowers. Purple or periwinkle flowers on spikey green leaves, like from some fantasy world-- harry potter or legend of zelda.Though the official stage was the room in the middle, the whole thing was free range for the actors. I think we found the stage sufficiently entertaining:

I was happy to be entertained and cleaning up around cloyne with the boys I found so interesting. I was in the kitchen and they started to bring in the apples. There were so many apples. And there were little lost fishes and plastic toys but it was mostly apples. And I said after some girl made a smoothie, that I did not order all these apples. Oh, but the delivery guy already knew the story, he said, yeah some one's Ex-Boyfriend actually ordered them all before they broke up. They were rotting in the dishwash sink. I couldn't figure if it was Adena or Hillary's. He was wearing a white sweater and his powers just didn't work on me.

But there was Kate, oh god how I loved her. On her bike and getting in cars, with friends who did cool things and people she felt at home with. She was something so strong. I knew she saw everything that was ugly about me. That look of pity and disgust. But I knew the most powerful weapon I had was to was not care and keep loving her. And I remembered what it was like trying to apologize for who I was and treating her like a god. It emptied me. I knew I was happier like this. And that one day she would love and teach me and learn from me. Because I think I had learned what I needed to say.