dreams about alex...

Part I

I was going up an elevator. In a building. An office. Very private. Looking through boxes for antiques mostly garbage. I left. It was the roof. It had grassy hills and roman columns. There was a jungle gym. The elevator was a trial, some sort of challenge. You stood on a green bar three inches from the wall. There was something to hold onto. You sped down the wall playing banjo maybe? I think infinity was involved. It felt partly like the fear from that high.

 

Part II

I was with alex. At a table. I was talking. He was quiet. I kept on talking because I mistook his silence for dissatisfaction. After a while he stopped me and said, “so this is what we are?” not really in a bad way. But it felt as though I was completely dehumanized. Oh dear. We left. I thought I was going back with him. I wanted him very badly at that moment. He went inside and got a guitar. I was up on a balcony. I saw him come out of the house with some of the marching band from phs. They were going to be performing fiddler on the roof at the honowitz’s synagogue. I got a hotel room on the balcony. I started to regret it. Realizing he would not come back. Grandma came in. arguing that it was not very economical. I felt terrible regret. I wanted to go return the keys. But I’d already made a mess of the bed.  I didn’t know what to do. I kind of wanted alex to come back.