I have no Idea what you're trying to tell me subconscious,

But I trust that you have some vague Idea of where we're headed.

I don't really intend to keep capitalizing "Idea". I think I'm subconsciously thinking about "I" as in the proper pronoun, each time I write the word.

I was ordering fruity alcoholic beverages. There was an overwhelming feeling of too much. Christmas in the tropics and pretty, emptied out women. The kind my heart goes out to. Christiana might have been there. I feel that name is like Christ reflected in a tropical sense. Definitely the bar was on the train tracks.

On the deck of a ship. I was in Trader Joes. Security spotted us. First I thought it was the pasta sauce in my bag, then I thought it was weed. Then I realized that I had nothing to hide, and that neither of those things belonged to me, and I couldn't understand why they wanted to frisk me. And it was like the macarena. Not like in a mocking way. It was just the protocol that everyone was using.

I was on the deck of the ship. There was a wall of plexiglass between it and the real world. It was floating above everything. There were trees on the other side. It felt like existence depended on something that was happening right then, maybe even on the ship. Some sort of battle with god. It wanted to take back what it had given us. A strict rhythm. The ship was moving. I think this is where the most important part goes but I don't have the concepts to put it together without ruining it.

I do remember what happened near the edge of the ship on the deck just not on the narrow bridge hall thing. For some reason I associate it with the halls of the docked ship in the pokemon game. Doesn't it set sail when you finish it so you can't go back there later? Which is different because all of the other different zones are still available but have lost their mystery. Like the cave that you turn the lights on in. Actually isn't there a lot of turning lights on in pokemon? Subconscious you're making a lot more sense right now.

Ok, well, I'd like to remember whats going on in that hall, but I'll press forward. There was a really big forest on the other side of the plexi glass. The trees looked beautiful. Like they were covered in snow. It reminded me of the water dripping off the magnolias the other day. I considered jumping off. It was a lot like suicide. But I wanted to escape to save myself not to destroy myself. I didn't have time to think. The ship lurched and threw me off. But I don't know if I did that or if god's thunderstorm did. If there was a thunderstorm at all, I might be imagining that. Or maybe I imagined god and had him make the storm to throw me off.

I think the moment between me getting thrown off and grabbing the tree was really important. I think it was like nothing. Negative space. I grabbed one of the beautiful trees and slid down to the bottom. Like a firefighter. Maybe thats what was it. In the hall. Fighting the fires that god kept setting. Maybe it was a battle of entropy and order. or things like that.

I got down and felt this feeling of success. I'd escaped and it ended up being some where beautiful. People were there. Lori I remember. Other old friends and long gone relationships. Crowds were gathered to celebrate with snowball fights and snow angels in the ground. Alexander was taking beautiful photos. Mom wanted photos of me. The snow started to turn to ash and dust. The sun was out. Maybe it never was snow.