Balance is so difficulct

I felt like a part of me packed up and moved to different part of my brain and it was so hard to get resituated. I don't know why its so hard for me to write my dreams down on paper. I feel like journals and computer files are very similar to masoleums. My sketchbook is the only place I can put my dreams where I'm sure they won't wither. But its more of a place for daydreams.
I do want to put them somewhere where they will be read again, by me and by other people. I don't know why. It gives me a small amount of pleasure in my life. And no one is better off for it not being shared. "And if I never picked the pen up, held inside and never shared, and oh is that so eloquent- not really what I meant but at least you got the notion that I cared." Its funny how all the good/bad distinction I've bound myself to are seeming to vaporize. Well no, its not funny. Its kind of beautiful. To be quoting Nana Grizol that is. (;
I wish I wouldn't make up arbitrary rules and restrictions for myself just for the sake of experimentation and then break them two weeks or six months later because... Actually. I don't know if its that simple. I have learned things from my absence. And its only motivation isn't experiment. So I guess its not that bad to do what I do. Its a little crazy, but methodological. And I do care. Probably too much.


I'm really satisfied with this realization. I'll have some dreams later.
I'm so behind in my class that I just transferred into. Now that I've gotten this out of my head I might be able to focus on my reading.