Um. The game.

I was asking the waiter for water. He gave it to me in a glass goblet rather than in the mug I wanted. I knew him from somewhere. Ello was also a waiter. I sat down. We were in class. Blanton's postwar Brittish drama. He was tag teaming with Ryan Oliver though. People were taking turns taking roles. I was afraid so I waited until there were only a few left. They were a good few. Like what happened to that guy who got Vernon in Henry IV. I think I was going to be the nurse. I knew I could do it but it was all different from what I had imagined it would be. I sat down next to ryan and he started telling me all about the first time he fell in love. He just knew it was meant to be. All the signs and his family agreed. And she was so pretty. Wait, isn't he gay? I saw Alexander and Jessica. Adena was there.

I believe this is about waiting, serving, the ctd pary, my Shakespeare class, and Robbie. I really don't like what I think it means. That I should stop waiting and talking and just do. And a lot of fear that if I do what I naturally do, it just won't be good enough. But I've taken a stand on my being that is to be genuinely me and also to really really like him. And if thats not enough, I've dealt with worse...

Thats not very comforting. Especially when its so hard to take care of myself and try and open him up at the same time. And deal with reality breakdown when it attacks from every possible direction.

It was so much easier being goal oriented and very cold and empty inside.